T03:03AM BREAKING NEWS > > > > > > Reports of a brutal massacre have been surfacing from various social media platforms in the last few hours. Eyewitness reports of the aftermath have said “there were pieces of skinny jeans everywhere!” and “the stench of burnt beard hung heavy in the air” Groups known as Y.C.O and D.S.O have laid claim to the attack that is now thought to have been carried out through the use of some sort of highly advanced, possibly extra terrestrial, sonic weaponry. They have responded to the incident with the following message – “The rising hipster population has lead to turgid levels of melodic dilution. In urgent response we, with the help of our other worldly comrades, intergalactic vibe warriors and defenders of the jack - THE DEEP SPACE ORCHESTRA have instigated a cull to reclaim the dancefloors from the chinstrokers, the stationary, the sedentary instafans, handing them back to the jackers, the movers, the freaks and the underground. Y . C . O”.